Hi again.

Sorry for my continued absence; I find it fairly hard to update a blog devoted to my teaching methods when I feel like I’m being a shitty teacher or when my students are being shitty human beings. I think it’s also a struggle for me in that I have no idea what I’m going to be doing after the last two paychecks here in April…. and that anxiety makes it fairly hard to concentrate on anything more than, well, that anxiety.

Here’s what I’m currently struggling with: the feeling of extreme, slanted injustice in the scheme of things here. I mean, come on: I worked REALLY HARD to get my degrees. I’ve worked hard to be a good teacher. And yet here I am, unable to make all of my bill payments during the summer months because my shit-ass job doesn’t give me full year pay or benefits. Here I am living paycheck to paycheck, not saving ANY money for my future, not even able to make payments on my student loans for god’s sake, all because my educational path has led me to this dead-end “part time” job where I teach more courses than our full time professors.

In the meantime, there are people like my coke-head cousin, with 4 little girls and a different abusive boyfriend every month, with no education whatsoever and so many firings from jobs that it would make you laugh to count them… and she has a fucking HOUSE.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Apparently I’ve been doing everything all wrong. Apparently the answer isn’t to seek out a high level of education and attempt to teach to the best of your ability. Apparently the answer is to start shooting kids out of your vag as early as possible and have some sort of male counterpart that can support you despite what horrible spending habits or behavioral problems you might have. THANKS FOR THAT AWESOME CONFIRMATION OF WHO I AM,  UNIVERSE.

Ugh. Can you see why I’m not tempted to update? Because these useless, impotent rantings and railings against the world won’t get me any jobs, won’t make my life any better… they just make me seethe with anger and bitter at those around me.

It’s not the husband’s fault that he isn’t making much money, it’s not my fault I’m not making much… and we’re both avidly attempting to get into a better position. But I’m 26 fucking years old and I’m still living like an undergrad student. That makes me SO GODDAMNED ANGRY.

When will I get a turn to be a grown up?

And my students… oh fuck me, they’re such babies it’s making me sick. They’re constantly asking me to do their work for them. What are we reading today? How do I cite this or that? Can you read my paper and make sure it’s “right?” DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO YOUR WORK. Seriously, you have a syllabus, you have a handbook, you have a BRAIN for all of these things. I am a heartbeat away from screaming at all of them to change their own goddamned diapers.

And this is what we get when we investigate the Prof’s head today. Awesome. Hope you enjoyed the rant.