>.<
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 14 July 2009
The first reply to my eloquently worded, professional yet friendly request for writing jobs was this:
“i could help u with your bills let me know if uneed help”
*Facepalm*
This does not bode well for Homestar Runner.
Wow, My Friends Rock.
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 14 July 2009
To those of you who have left me love here: Thank you. It really has made me feel warm and squishy inside, and I appreciate it.
To those who have left me love, support and offers of help elsewhere: Again, thank you so very much. I love you all, and I know I am damned lucky to have people who care so much for me. Brings a tear to this bitch’s eye. Damn.
Currently, I’ve made some calls and rearranged some things, and I’m not sure what the outcome will be… but it’s not looking as bleak as it did yesterday.
I’m now officially on Craigslist, asking to do any/all menial editing and wordsmithing tasks the people of my area might need. I don’t actually know how to offer this to a broader spectrum on that site. Can I get my ad posted in larger cities as well, or will that be a duplicate? I dunno. I haven’t figured it out yet.
I’m conversing with a fellow who needs his novel proofread. That might bring some money.
I still need to Ebay several items.
I’m wondering if I could possibly bill myself as an online “Hitch”, a coach to men and women as they attempt to date online. I would rock that shit right out of the water.
Long of the short is… if you have anything you want edited, written or snazzed up… I’m your slave. 
Thinking good thoughts.
Academic Whoring, Right Here.
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 13 July 2009
This grading job has cut my hours this week by two days and next week by… well, the entire fucking week.
Hello poverty, meet me. We’ve been flirting across the room all summer now, but it’s just about time we’re properly introduced.
Now I am trying to think of a way, any way really, that I could make some money in a hurry.
I’ve already mentally earmarked several items in our house for sale, either at Gamestop or Ebay or possibly even Craigslist.
I’m attempting to conjure up a Craigslist post that would hire myself out as an editor/ghost writer/smooth operator for anyone’s basic writing needs, from business letters and novels to perfecting that dating site entry so you attract ALL the ladies.
I’ve considered donating plasma, to be quite frank.
I nearly laughed myself into a tizzy when I contemplating responding the ad asking for exotic dancers and massage therapists… my god, what a great way to swing a night shift.
In the end, I’ll figure something out… but right now I’m just scared. How are we going to get through this shit?
Lord, I Love Me A Gay Man.
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 10 July 2009
The one in particular I was loving today was a fellow grader, sitting kitty-corner to me while we all cover-to-covered in the library today.
He’s an elementary school teacher, and we had some very entertaining conversations about his sass and his use of it in the classroom.
He had one child come up to him after failing a test, crying that “OH NO I’M GOING TO BE A HOBO!”
This man looked at the child and said “Well, not if you start working like you should. You’re not trying, you gotta try. I’ll give you the test again tomorrow, and we’ll see just how well you can do when you put the work in. I don’t want to be throwing change at you downtown, child.”
*lols*
There was a worker next to me who basically did nothing all day. Cover-to-cover was too boring for him, so he twirled his pencil, stared into space, read a newspaper at one point.. it was annoying all of us. When we got to the end of the day, some people were helping others with their workloads, and this slacker kid asked the gay man why he wasn’t helping him with the vast amounts the kid had left.
“Honey, because you ain’t been working all day,” the man replied. “In fact, you’d be on Silent Lunch and no recess tomorrow if you were one of my students.”
Oh my god. I about died. He was my salvation today, as he made me laugh constantly and forget about the mundane crap I was doing.
And the fact that my ass did NOT like that chair. Ouch.
I’ll Never Look At Testing Packets The Same Way Again.
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 8 July 2009
Okay, so here’s what I did for 12 hours today:
Pick up a test booklet. Pray that it doesn’t smell like foreign lands.
Plop it down, check a number on the front, check a number on the inside cover.
Flip through each page and scrutinize the numbers left in red ink by each individual grader for accuracy in addition and replication on the score card pamphlet in back. This means that 2 + 3 must always = 5, not 3 or 0 or 4 like some (professional accountant) graders seem to think. Heh.
Also check for any pages with test taker marks that lack grader marks, as that means the grader was bad and gets no biscuit. Or something like that.
Do this thorough scan through close to 50 pages of booklet, avoid all unidentified sticky blobs that may or may not be boogers from around the world, douse yourself in Purell hand sanitizer generously.
Move on to the next booklet.
If you do find a problem? Whip out your handy dandy “THEY DONE BROKE IT” post-it and pull that sucker up to the front desk for the authorities to eyeball.
Repeat this action 20 times per stack, as many stacks per day as you can slog through. Remember: if you find an error, you could get a dollar bonus for your discovery! While not 100% guaranteed, this promise of extra cash is just enticing enough to keep you from swallowing your own tongue out of boredom and drooling on a pile of tests in your ennui-enduced stupor.
12 hours, yo. I want to kick something.
And tomorrow I have the day off (THANK YOU BABY JEEBUS) and a whole shit ton of things I need to do, have to do, want to do, should do, shouldn’t do, etc etc. I’m really concerned that I’ll end up sitting around rather than getting things done, so I’m saying it now in front of the whole internets: I will not slack off . I will not.
Need to find which class I need to take this semester. That’s a must. And filling out paperwork to be a “special student.” Also needs to happen. Certification, here I come. Hollah.
Turkey: My New Best Friend
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 5 July 2009
- In: Rumination
- 2 Comments
What do you do when you have little to no money for groceries?
Start rooting around in your chest freezer.
We’ve found a Berger smoked turkey (yes, an entire turkey. A big one) that someone (my dad? Dad’s girlfriend? In-laws?) sent us for Christmas this past year and which we never ate. We tossed it in the freezer for another time, and that time has come.
We now have enough smoked turkey meat to make a million meals, and that’s just what we’ll do.
Yesterday we had turkey sandwiches.
Today I had a turkey leg for lunch.
Tomorrow we’ll do a dinner of turkey in some way, shape or form…
God bless chest freezers. And relatives who think smoked meat is a good present.
p.s. Is it bad that, when I was younger, I thought about all the cool but totally uncessary things I’d buy if I won the lottery… but now that I’m where we are today, I daydream over paying off my student loans and my one credit card, my car loan and my bills so that I could FLOAT FREE AS AN EAGLE? I find it pretty pathetic and lame, but maybe that’s just what adulthood does to you.
Skating By
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 4 July 2009
- In: Rumination
- 1 Comment
We made rent…. just barely. But we did it, and it only involved an email begging money off my father. That’s something I can do with little to no shreddage to my dignity. So I consider this a win.
Worked at least 8 hours if not up to 11 each day this week, and I’m really looking forward to today and tomorrow involving little to no activity. Well, besides exercise. But other than that, I’m not doing SHIT. 
The paycheck next week on my end will be glorious, but I had to do a lot of grunt work to get there.
I’m looking more and more forward to next semester, as it will mean less of this summer shit and more of the routine to which I’m accustomed. I have a plan for our savings account and how we’ll fun ourselves next summer, so that’s heartening.
I’m still down to a lower number than ever before, and I’m very encouraged that it’s going down again after a huge plateau while I exercised.
This isn’t anything all that new and/or exciting, but I figure I need to keep this place up a bit. Dull post > no post at all.
How are things with you, world?
Grah.
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 28 June 2009
The world is against me today…
It cheered me up with the news of 2 more lbs lost, meaning I’m under a benchmark weight that I haven’t been in over a year…
But we aren’t going to make rent this month without begging more money from parents, and Firefox decided to eat all my bookmarks and force me to reset it. Entirely.
*dies*
Fuck technology. Fuck the financial world. Fuck all of this.
Coconut Rum: Part of This Complete Balanced Breakfast
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 27 June 2009
I’d like to drink and dance the night away tonight.
Not sure what inspired this mood, but I’m slowly attempting to figure out how to make it happen
without my husband watching me, of course.
This is easier said than done in a fucking tiny apartment.
p.s. I wish I could get drunk with my students for just one night. Just randomly *poof* into a freshman girl and join the masses to see what it’s like for them.
I’m Sure This Will Be Funny Someday.
Posted by: Professor Anonymous on: 26 June 2009
Hey! It’s Friday, and I’m not working. So what can I do with myself, you ask?
Well, I thought I’d swim. Then I thought I’d work a bit on setting myself up with the courses I need to take this semester as I teach.
Cool idea, you say? Why, I thought so as well!
I sat down to my computer, my hair still dripping from cholorinated water and the 45 minute lap session I did while the pool was void of poeple but myself.
I clicked on the links I needed for tuition waiver, given to me by my dear mentor and friend in the department.
This activity reminded me to call the Parking Services people and ask why they think I am no longer a JMU employee; they’ve been demanding my parking pass back. Bullies.
That call leads to my finding out I am marked by HR as an ex-employee. As of late April. Welllll okay then.
I call HR, and no one has any idea what happened. Why this year is different than the last.
I leave several messages for several different people, and I’m waiting for them to call me back.
In the meantime, I think “Gee, I should look into the DoE analyzing my transcripts, as I still don’t know 100% what I need to take for licensure.”
So I call the DoE for my state, I go through a series of gyrations with the automated voice assistant, and I finally reach the receptionist of Licensure.
I explain what I’m looking for, she snaps at me “HOLD PLEASE” and leaves me on hold for 7 minutes.
O.o
I hang up, call back, and get a message machine. I leave my message, ask them to call me back, and now I’m stuck in the middle of a big pile of no progress.
WHAT IN THE FUCK is going on with administration these days? I mean, really. This is ridiculous.
/End rant.
so you've said.